When To Fight

There are moments when we all have to face a conflict that we'd rather not.  Those are the moments that we decide if we want our inner warrior to surface, if we try to be the peacemaker, or if we decide to fight another day.  There are other choices, but these are usually at the top of the list.

I've learned to pick my battles.  I used to fight for everything that I thought was important, not realizing that so many things are not as important as they seem in the moment.  The way I can tell if I need to fight for something is I can feel a sensation deep in the pit of my stomach.  My body has always been clear to me, even when my mind can muddle things.  When I feel that gut reaction, I know it is time for me to push back.  But how?

Fighting for what I need usually does not take the form of an argument.  If I cannot articulate a thoughtful, compelling reason for my needs being met, often those needs shared in the form of requests are ignored.  That's step one.  After which, if I am still willing to fight, I will state my case more plainly without blame. 

Rarely, if ever, do I resort to anger.  Though I may feel it, I have also learned two crucial truths about anger:
1. People often dismiss people who are angry as someone who cannot be rational, therefor what is being asked for is not worthy of consideration.
2.  I (personally) feel shame when I get angry, which doesn't allow me to express myself clearly and I just feel BAD about the whole exchange...and I usually STILL don't get what I want.

An experiment I'm going to try is when faced with these situations ask: What would Wonder Woman do?  or What would Lysistrata do?  You may know of some other inspiring legends that would also work in this scenario.

The next time you need to fight for something, take a breath, ask yourself what you're really fighting for, and see if it's worth it. 

Copyright 2014 Heather Corwin