Regardless of societal or cultural demands, individuals have to determine what is right for his or her person. Afterwards, who shares this knowledge (no longer being a virgin) comes down to personal choice. That being said, it takes two to tango, which does increase the possibility of others learning about sexual status despite personal inclinations. A great example of what I'm talking about here is in the movie EASY A where the main character Olive (Emma Stone) says she agrees to admitting sexual relationships with classmates, which is not true, in order to help her classmates' reputations.
What I find most refreshing about EASY A is not that Olive actually maintains her virginity, but rather that the relationship with her mom is honest and supportive. Olive's mother played by Patricia Clarkson unabashedly shares with her daughter her own exploits as a young woman, which is touching and humerous. In a culture where having sex with many partners can be extremely shameful, Clarkson breathes humor and charm into her past. The fact that Olive's parents are happily married and in love underpins this lurid information for the viewer because in spite of mom's past, she's found a wonderful man who loves her for who she is. This unconditional love is what Olive is searching for in all relationships.
...Which brings me back to virginity. We are flawed. We have hang ups. We may have a past that disallows us to believe we are virgins even if that virginity was stolen (another topic to be discussed later). When we choose to share intimacy, we are inviting that person into our lives in a unique and vulnerable way that can be dazzling and wonderful or backfire into regret. As with all choices, spending the time to be sure of your decision is what seems most valuable. If you're unsure, don't. Wait until you're sure you want to share that part of yourself.
Your thoughts?
Copyright 2014 Heather Corwin
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