Ironically, when the thought of being desired came into my awareness as a pre-pubescent tween, I was shocked by my shyness. As long as I was just friends with people, I could be myself. If I thought they "liked" me, I felt I should behave in a certain way - which made me feel embarrassed and awkward. That feeling never really went away, I just learned how to recognize it and address those feelings over time.
Which brings me to the sizzling experience of sex. What I like about sexual attraction is not the baggage or insecurities that seem to crop up at the thought of being naked in front of someone else - and remaining desirable! Rather, blood pulsing through my veins reminds me that I'm alive. Common signs of arousal include sweating, salivating, pupil dilation, and heart rate increase. How could I avoid knowing I'm alive when these biological signs occur?
I have to mention here that the most interesting parts of intimacy (in my view) all have to do with foreplay: kissing, touching, holding, caressing, etc. This translates to sex can be the outcome, but is not the goal - connection is.
Interestingly, studies are now supporting that men and women do not have orgasms with people they don't know well. In fact, women orgasm far more with a sexual partner they've shared intimacy with more than 3 times. I mention this because there seems to be a myth that supports the idea that one night stands can be sexual explosions of awesomeness. On the contrary, trust allows a sexual relationship to flourish and be satisfying.
What are your parameters that allow you to consider moving your relationship(s) to sexual?
Copyright 2014 Heather Corwin
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